My sweetest Bella, we have had an exceptional relationship. One that I could never fully describe and could never be fully understood unless someone knew that it’s possible to love an animal just as much as a human.

You were and will forever be my best girl friend in the world. There’s no need to add specificity of person or cat. I told you that daily. We were inseparable. If I closed the door to shower, you would wait outside for me. At night, you’d curl up on my pillow next to my head. While I worked, you’d sleep by my side, on my lap, or on my laptop itself. You let me hold you over my shoulder like a baby, because you were. This was also your favorite time to try to chew my hair.

You were born on November 14, 2010, with 2 brothers and one sister. On January 23, 2011, I picked up you and your brother, Sammy, to foster you. I had promised everyone I wouldn’t keep you. You were only 10 weeks old and you were so small. Only 2 pounds. You had just been spayed and didn’t do too well with the surgery. You were sick and wouldn’t eat, and so we got baby food and I fed it to you off my finger. I was hooked. I still remember the day I received a voicemail that someone wanted to adopt you and Sammy. I cried so sorrowfully at the thought, and decided then that I wouldn’t let anyone else have you. You were mine and I was yours. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, just like I can’t bear the thought today. I said then and there that it was worth the price I would pay one day. And I was right. I still stand by that. My heart is broken, but only because I love you so much. I always knew I wouldn’t have you forever, but I never thought this day would come so soon. 

You were with me for so many of my important moments. All of those of my adult life. Moving apartments, buying homes, getting married, moving countries. For the last 6 years, I’ve spent nearly every day with you once I started working from home. I’m sure I spent more time with you and Sam than with anyone else. The house feels empty and there’s a hole in my heart without you here. 

Bella, you graced us with your presence on this earth for 3939 days. 10 years, 9 months and 13 days doesn’t seem like nearly enough. I finally found the meaning in numbers, you know I’m funny about that. You were in my life for 3868 days. Add the first two numbers and the last two: 1114 is your your birthday. We used to joke that you seemed like you were looking up to space. Now I know you were really looking up to heaven, preparing one day to return home.

You loved bouncy balls. The absolute most. You fetched them – both when we threw them for you and when you threw them for yourself. You cried this hilarious cry that always made Sammy so mad he would pounce on you. In fact you had a lot of cries, all of which meant something different. “Meh meh meh” in a slightly inquisitive tone was my personal favorite. You also had a special trill for talking to the birds. You responded when I talked to you and you definitely knew your name. And you loved hair elastics. You would chew on them like crazy, so you had your own. Sometimes you’d still try to steal the one on my wrist. I’m wearing your pink one now.

You were crazy over cat grass and you hated to share it. It’s about the only time you weren’t a sweet girl, swatting Sammy away. You also didn’t like other kitties besides your brother. But you were funny. Big personality in a little body. And I was the special one because you showed it most to me. You loved cat nip…your filled mustache and cupcake toys took the place of bouncy balls when I hid those at night. And nail files. Somehow you could hear them filing from rooms away and you’d come running. Your favorite thing to chew on after hair elastics and my hair. And my hair brush, you loved to rub your face against it. Oh, and you were the best bug catcher around. Even a couple weeks ago after your big surgery, you jumped in the air and caught a fly. I’d never been so proud.

I know that while you may not have understood everything, you understood what mattered. You knew we loved you immensely and tried our best to give you a good life. To extend it for as long as we possibly could and do whatever we could to save you. I would have happily given you my kidney if it fit.

Losing you is a void that will never be filled. My only hope, my only prayer, is that I will see you again one day. I believe I will, and you’ll be waiting for me, bouncy ball in tow. Until then, rest peacefully sweet girl.

Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you’ve been asking me
I think you know what I’ve been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away

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