It takes time to build trust. Days, weeks, years. Shared experiences together. And it can take just one experience to break it.

But broken trust in a relationship can be a bit like your favorite bowl being broken.

I’ve written about kintsugi before. When your favorite bowl is broken – the one you use to have ice cream or cereal or soup – you could throw it away and get another one. But maybe you really like that one. Perhaps you love the color or the material. Maybe it has something special painted on it. Maybe you purchased it somewhere that brings a fond memory or you received it as a gift. So you don’t throw it out. You repair it. You painstakingly pick up the pieces and hope there aren’t too many. One crack, even if split completely in two, is much easier than fully shattered. In that case, you avoid the missing pieces that need to be filled.

And you remember your kintsugi techniques. You lovingly put it back together with gold in the way you were carefully taught. And it again looks beautiful! In fact, it looks more beautiful than before. It has a streak of gold lightning running through it. And you remember the storm that broke it when you see it, but you don’t mind because it adds character. Because you took the time to fix it rather than toss it out. Maybe you need to hand wash it now instead of run it through the dishwasher. But it’s still functional – just as much as before. It’s still your favorite bowl. 

Trust is like that. Sometimes it may be too shattered beyond repair. The integrity of the foundation is ruined. But often, it’s only a fracture. One that you can fix.

The difference with a bowl and a relationship is that only the second takes two. Both people need to want to repair for it to work. But if you do? Perhaps you’ll end up with something more beautiful than where you started. Isn’t it worth it to try?